This is not easy for me, to let others know of my shame. When I was a teenager, my older sisters left me in New York without enough funds to eat for the two weeks they were going to be away. I finally went (during dinner time) to a friend of my mother’s, hoping to get an offer to have some dinner–which I did because I was starving. Another time I went to my grandmother’s house and found her in her bed with her prosthesis off (she had been an amputee for many, many year). I could not bring myself to ask her for any money. She had a rooming house with a couple of tenants or so at that time. Prior to that time, my sister had been living with her for about five years, but she had recently gotten married and moved away with her husband, which left my grandmother alone because my mother had moved to the South. While I was there with my grandmother, I thought I saw some feces on her bed but chose to ignore it. I have thought about that over the years, and the shame of not helping her has bothered me. OH, if only I could undo that moment and helped my grandmother. May God forgive me.
I do believe that each of us, in the course of our lives, will have regrets and feel shame for something. Now that I am much older living each day with my faith, hopes, determination and trying to live love, I learn as I go through life: we should and need to care about others, even when it is not convenient for us. If we love and try to love as God would have us to love, we will grow in the oneness and feel connected to all in wanting the best for all, and we will care about everyone. I have asked my grandmother for forgiveness. I truly believe she has heard me from her new home, and she has forgiven me. I pray that any and all future challenges That come into my life that test my love, my sisterhood to all, and my life and service as a Christian will be met with actions and feelings that Jesus would approve. May we all TRY to do the right thing in the name of Jesus. Praise God.